It’s been a little quiet
in Teacher Bert’s Corner lately; mainly because I don’t have a job and bragging
about that to the rest of the world isn’t a recommended practice. It has been a
doozy of a summer that is slowly turning into fall. What’s next? Who knows but
I read an article recently that has sparked some thought and I I've tried to assemble my thoughts into words that hopefully bring
you a dash or two of insight. Let’s dive in.
How many friends do
you have? How would we even measure this? Would anyone really glance at their
Facebook profile and proclaim they have 1, 072 friends? Or are we looking over
our Twitter and Instagram followers and doing some basic math to come up with a
reasonable number? If you want to read an intelligent person’s take on this
topic, this article sparked my thinking:
A few of the
highlights from the article were:
-Friendship studies
conducted have found that reciprocity rates in friendship vary from 34 to 54
per cent.
-Layers of friendship.
First layer has one or two people (my mom is obviously #1 with nobody in sight at #2). The second layer has four spots then the tiers gradually deteriorate from
there.
-Not having close
friends can hurt your physical health and decrease life expectancy.
This second article
spoke on how it’s hard to make friends after 30
-Three conditions for
making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a
setting that encourages people to let their guard down and open up.
-Seeking out specific
friends might be easier than finding a new BFF. A book friend, workout friend,
food friend, etc. (I’d like to find a lady friend who I could give back
massages to and she laughs at my jokes but that friendship list is not trending in the right direction)
I also read somewhere
that a person is truly blessed if they have 10 true friends in their lifetime.
When I was younger, I used to make fun of my mom because she only had 3
friends. “Mom, one of your three friends called last night; you can probably
guess which one.” I thought I was so cool because I imagined I had X times many
more friends than her. She was the lucky one.
I tried to figure out
a scenario of how to find out who your true friends are. I first thought of
people you would call to bail you out of jail. But I thought it would be a pretty
bold move for someone not to help you in that situation. Also, that is the
primary reason we have families. Primary. I’m almost certain my brother’s first
thought when I told him I booked a one way ticket to Thailand was that he was
going to bear the weight of bailing me out of my almost certain demise.
People who would help
you move is a great test. When my dad died, it meant a lot to me to have my
close friends around at the same time knowing they had my back.
To me, I think my
close friends aren’t necessarily people I speak to every day. I promise that
some of them I wouldn’t want to talk to every day….I think moving outside of
Canada, meeting more new people than I ever would have staying here has
broadened my overall “friends list” but has also seen a few entries into the “close
friends list”. Some people are great at staying in touch, calling, messaging or
meeting up when you’re in the same area. Some people on my list are terrible
at those things but I don’t hold that against them. People are great at some
aspects of friendship and lacking on others but the vital element is when that
person crosses your mind, how do they make you feel?
This summer has made
me realize that it’s important to re-evaluate your friendship roster; not
because you want to delete people from your Facebook feed or be petty but to
focus your thoughts, time and love on the people who reciprocate it. As we get
older, we make less new friends but grow closer to the ones we have. Grow
close to the people who deserve it, make you feel loved and are there for you
like when you are there for them. It’s okay that not everyone is a close
friend, it’s just important to understand your tiers, manage expectations (of
course!) and be open to letting new people into your life and seeing where it
takes you. They say you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Who are you spending your time with?
“Two things you will never have to chase: True friends &
true love.” Mandy Hale
