I’ve thought about
writing a post like this for about two years at this point. With all that time
to ponder about the topic, you would assume that you would be getting a high-quality, well-thought-out post from Teacher Bert. You would be mistaken. The
idea first came about two years ago with a friend when the topic of what if what we thought
we looked like wasn’t really what we actually looked like so mirrors, water, and
pictures wasn’t the complete picture. So we started researching how to find
out how other people see us. The main objective was purely superficial and wanting
to know if who we see in the mirror is really us. The article went into great detail about more
in-depth specific areas to focus on to understand ourselves and what to look
for in making a good first impression, maintaining friendships, etc.
The article
got quite deep and right at the end of the lengthy article, our answer was
merely a footnote when it stated “If you want to know how other people see you,
hold a mirror up in front of another mirror and that’s how people see you.” It
was one of those had to be their moments but it was the funniest thing that
happened that year by far. I then
randomly found a book on first impressions and it has taken me this long to
comb through it so let’s dive into how people see us and how we can improve.
I’m confident and
certainly not proud of the fact that I don’t think I give off a great first or
even second impression. I think my fifth, tenth, and sixtieth impressions are
great but I don’t think people meet me at a party and think “I like that Bert
guy.” Most people come around to the idea of Bert making their lives more
entertaining but some people take longer to warm up than others. Two areas I
knew I needed to focus on before reading about this was that I don’t smile
enough and could make more eye contact. I can specifically remember my cousin
telling me that I needed to work on it which I think I’ve made strides on but
still not a 100% comfort level.
After reading First Impressions, I was alerted
to the fact that I also should spend a tad more attention on the matching rate of
speech with people (I talk too fast when I get nervous; I was also told to slow
down how fast I speak in Thailand because they were just learning English),
give more compliments, show some deeper feelings, people like being gently
touched in conversation (apparently) and to be the one to introduce yourself
first. A few things. I specifically avoid touching people I just meet because I
think it’s strange. Even on a first date, I won’t touch them and almost want to
message them just before meeting them that I don’t want to have an awkward
hello hug. I’m super awkward at meeting people and they go for a cool handshake
and I’m doing a classic businessman handshake; it’s awkward 80% of the time. I’m
not cool. I wish it was Thailand and everyone did this to say hi and goodbye:
I’m also guilty of not
being the first person to introduce myself. I have a memory of this being a New
Year’s resolution of mine but alarmingly, it didn’t stick. I want to be the
type of person who goes for it first. The other person is thinking/dreading it
as well so you might as well get the points for doing it first. It certainly
shows confidence and being comfortable in the situation. I also struggle at
remembering their name and using it in conversation. Like appallingly bad. I’m
almost positive my mom is named Beth. This and smiling will be the two areas I
focus on first.
Things I do well? Oh, thanks for asking reader. I think I excel
at asking other people questions, listening to their responses, being an active
listener, and not trying to brag or show off to impress people. (it would be a short conversation) I think I’m good
at making people feel comfortable if I’m comfortable around them, good at
making people laugh, and being able to laugh at myself or share mishaps to gain
common ground. If you want to take a quick gander at the tables and fill them
in to give you some insight, here is the link. Click on tables on the left-hand side of the site.
http://www.firstimpressionsconsulting.com/pages/OurBook.html
They suggest tackling
one issue at a time then once you feel comfortable, starting on your next area
of weakness. They also suggest taking pride in what we do well because it’s
easy to beat ourselves up about downfalls and not focus as much on our strengths.
Asking yourself how you actually want to be perceived as a good step in
understanding what changes you want to make if any. If you are happy with the way
everything has gone so far, no need to change but I feel like there is always
room for improvement. Asking a close friend for some tips is recommended but
not to take the advice too personally and get offended. I think you are a super-duper
not matter what.
I took this quiz and
it turns out I’m super shy. Agree? Give the test a whirl:
http://www.playbuzz.com/inspiyr10/how-do-others-see-you
“If you are grading your own test, you will pass every time! Be
careful of your self-perception because it could deceive you.”
Mario Hill
