Harder than last time

I can already feel it. It seems like I am constantly looking at my calendar in disbelief that I will be in Europe in 14 days. I can remember feeling somewhat indifferent about taking off for the first time four years ago with little expectation and the possibility of returning home in a month if things went south quickly. I now have a better grasp of what moving an ocean away entails and is making me more nervous and melancholy. I’ve loved these last 15 months and there is a part of me that feels like I might be making a mistake. Not a mistake of the country (who doesn’t love Poland??!!) or my school but there is something to be said about staying in one place, planting roots and keeping current friendships alive and strong. It’s normal to question yourself, your choices and your path, right? I’m not the only one? I understand that in the grand scheme of things I’m still fairly young but 29 turns into 30 then that becomes 35 then I’m 40. Then what? I’ve also possibly made the mistake of not having a family sooner because the earlier you start, the more time you how with those monsters you have created. I feel confused and uncertain that I’m maximizing my life. It’s clear that I’m not a financial success at this point; I’m not divorced so I have that going for me. I also believe that once I’m roaming the streets of Prague on the 19th, I will think that I made the right life choice or once I stop working at my current job that isn’t exactly A1, I will feel better about my direction in life.

Moving away isn’t a minor life choice and thinking it through and wondering about different paths has to be a normal train of thought. The worst case scenario is that I don’t love my job or Poland and it is over in 10 months. The best case scenario is that Poland and my school is amazing, I see most of the things I have on my list and I find an amazing two year contract that pays me well and gives me great teaching experience. My reality will probably fall somewhere in the middle of those two options. I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m mad, sad or ungrateful, I know big changes are ahead and I’m just slightly anxious about going at it alone again.

In other events, I got a text a 2am Friday asking if I wanted a free weekend wristband to Veld. Veld is a massive electronic dance music festival with 30 thousand people, dancing and DJ’s. Here is what last year looked like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBWGgcvIpKw

A wristband for the weekend is around $300 plus drinks, food and people getting after it once it shuts down around 11pm. I’ve been to festivals and concerts before but this was my first EDM festival and even though it isn’t my go-to genre of music, it sounds incredible with their sound systems and it’s in an open field essentially so there is some room for a bit of personal space. Unless you are right up in the thick of it, then there’s no room. My big takeaways from Veld were:

-It got cancelled Sunday night because of thunderstorms in the area which ended up passing through but they do take safety seriously which I suppose is a good thing but people weren’t happy. I wasn’t happy and didn’t pay 300. I can imagine how people who actually looked forward to this all year felt. They also delayed it for two hours on the Saturday because of some mild clouds. Kinda lame.

-People love partying and just going for it. People -especially girls- treat these festivals like Halloween so there were some provocatively dressed women at this event. People love dressing up and escaping reality.

-Waster was $5-10. Food and other drinks not cheap either. I’m not sure how teenagers can afford it. I can’t.

-EDM is synonymous with drugs because a good percentage of people at these events are high. It can’t be safe or healthy. They do have security that does a decent job but what they aren’t showing you on the after party video is people tripping out in a field, people in an ambulance or being arrested for selling drugs to kids. Funny how that didn’t make the final cut. 

-Two people died last year.  Zero this year as far as I know. People shouldn't die at festivals. 

-While yes, some people indulge a bit too much, there isn’t much or any violence and there is generally a great vibe of people dancing and having a great time being outside and enjoying life. Not every day is a music video but might as well make it count when given the opportunity.

If you just had a long weekend, I hope it was a fun and safe one. Let’s stay in touch and maximize the rest of our summertime.

“In these times I don't, in a manner of speaking, know what

I want; perhaps I don't want what I know and want what I 

don't know.” 

Marsilio Ficino

Responsibility? I don't understand

I would rank the level of responsibility in my life about a 2 out of ten. I don’t have a house, car, kids, a wife or even a pet lobster to take care of.  These facts suit me just fine. I embrace my teenage level of responsibility. This enables me to make every decision based on how it will enhance my life and not take into account anyone else’s feelings or desires. It’s a life that I’ve designed not particularly on purpose to be Bert centred and focused.

There are 18 year old's in this world who have a very adorable little boy or girl at home, work full-time, live in a one bedroom apartment without their family around to support them and make choices not on how much fun they can possibly have but what is best for their child’s short and long term safety and happiness. Their responsibility level hovers right around that 9 level. Just because someone has a higher level, doesn’t mean that their life is considerably harder or better but is in part a reflection of the choices that person has made along with their priorities. We are as responsible as our life situation forces us to be.

Some people desire and crave responsibility. Having a job with a great deal of responsibility usually means getting paid commensurately. A person who is in charge of people and a payroll will be paid higher than the parking lot attendant who only needs to worry about people not practising how to make a baby in his parking lot. Sometimes, responsibility comes gradually. Moving away to school, getting a girlfriend, full-time job, house, pet rooster, wife and so on. Other times, it is more sudden like being left to take care of a child after they are left to you in your best friends will or having to take care of a parent who is sick and forgetful. (Mom, don’t get sick. I’m busy) While I shy away from all forms of responsibility such as making long or short term plans or owning anything that will keep me tied to one place, if a random event forced me to think of another person first or be less selfish, I’m (pretty) sure I would be able to do it. You just adjust and make a new plan. 

We as humans adapt to new realities quickly. Things aren’t as bad as we imagine it to be in our brains. While I currently am in love with my no responsibility life (example: One of my biggest responsibilities is changing the dehumidifier water in my room that I live in for free, in my brother’s basement; I think I’m getting better at it) once I fall in love (which I’m not even excited for) and get married, I will welcome responsibility. House? Sure! Car? Why not a min-van? Pets? Sure! Let’s make this place a zoo! Going from a 2 to a 7 is a drastic change but once you already have some responsibility, what’s one more person living in your house or baseball team to coach?

I would like to hear what you think your responsibility level is, if you think lower or higher leads to more happiness and how you manage the stress, if any, of having an increasing load of responsibility in your daily life. I have a three day weekend coming up and honestly have nothing pressing that needs to be accomplished. I do have to get a chest x-ray done for Poland and help someone move for about an hour but that about sums it up. Let me know if you have a more adult weekend in the works. I love you all very much. 

"The price of greatness is responsibility." Winston Churchill 

No more school and a new niece!

First of all, my brother and his wife had a new baby yesterday so I’m an uncle for the 9^th time! Her name is Eliane and I love her already! I’m heading to Toronto for Easter so I won’t have to wait more than a year to see this one! Life is good everyone.

I just finished my last assignments on Thursday and now I start my final practicum tomorrow in Kanata teaching a 4/5 class. I’m teaching them fractions, rocks and minerals and spelling strategies. Last practicum I mainly taught subtraction and a few other lessons but by the end of this practicum I should be teaching close to a 100% which is a little intimidating but apparently I’ve been preparing for this for the last 8 months so I should rock it. My main goal for tomorrow is remember all of their names then go from there. I have a friend from my section who is placed at the same school so that should make the transition a little easier and more fun. After April 24^th, I will be a certified teacher (hopefully) and free to explore the globe at my leisure. I was recently offered a job teaching in Kuwait on a one year contract but I thought it over a few nights and it just didn’t seem 100% right in my heart. I feel like once you start making decisions solely based on money and you know deep down isn’t the right choice for you, is when your life starts to veer off course. I’m good at making important life changing decisions because you just need to trust yourself completely that you are making the right choice for your life at that moment. Not believing in yourself and your decision making process is a huge disadvantage. It helps having reasonable friends and family to bounce ideas off of but somewhere deep down you know the path you should follow so I’m just trying to listen to that. My current game plan is to apply to international schools in Japan and hope for the best. It’s been my dream since 2009 and I believe I would fall in love with Japan instantly. I have experience, will be a certified teacher and think I’m going to be an amazing teacher so I’m trying to be picky with what school I decide to spend the next two years working for. It’s kind of like dating. You are looking for the right fit for both parties and there are plenty of opportunities out there, you just need to search, put your best foot forward and it will all be okay.

 In other events, let me just say that this last year has flown by. I can’t believe that I’ve been home almost 12 months, about to finish school and jump into whatever is coming next. School certainly surpassed my expectations (because we all know not to have any…), I’ve met genuinely great people who will hopefully let me stay in their lives for the years to come and I learned how to be a better teacher. Yes, there is a ton of group work and some of it wasn’t the most engaging but for the most part, learning how to be a teacher is a tough thing to teach and I think Ottawa U does a good job all things considered.

Now spring creeps into our future with the promise of a hot and flip flop filled summer. No more shoveling, boots or brushing off the car is only days or weeks away. March Madness is a welcomed source of entertainment along with sugar shacks and maple syrup! Enjoy life everyone!!! That’s probably enough for today, I should have a few more posts upcoming about new jobs and unwanted life advice; I have a lunch to make!

“Do your own thing on your own terms and get what you came here for.”
-Oliver James

“Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.”
-Joss Whedon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dc1C77nra4

Update on 2015

Bit of an extended break between this and the last post because not a whole lot has been going on. Christmas break was great, finished my first term at Ottawa U, had an amazing Montreal New Year’s with my international friends who I love very much and now we are on the home stretch to being a certified teacher and figuring out what’s next. So. What’s next?

This past weekend I attended an international job fair at Queen’s called TORF. It is incredibly well run and organized. More than 60 schools from all over the world attended with around 300 teacher candidates. What an experience. I applied, paid and uploaded my documents a few weeks ago and at that point any school can review your file and see if you are a right fit for their school and their teaching openings. There was a list of schools attending that I looked over with a specific focus on the UAE for the possibility of making more money and being in a hot climate. If you know me at all, you might know that I’m not Type A, super organized. Getting prepared for this fair, printing out forms, making sure I had everything was somewhat of a challenge because I didn’t want to forget anything because this weekend could change my life. I had a place to stay through couchsurfing so that was an added free bonus. I went to Kingston Friday at noon, drove to Kingston and met Daphne and two other guys who were attending the conference. I got an email that morning to interview for a job in New Cairo for a job teaching at a Canadian school in Egypt that teaches the Ontario curriculum. This was my first real serious teaching interview and I think I handled it well because they offered me a job starting in August. I wouldn’t be able to save as much money as I wanted in Egypt so I declined their offer. It must be a huge struggle to recruit people to a country that is constantly in the news. I think that the media blows things out of proportion and it was more about money than safety in my decision to decline their offer.

After the interview, I went to Queen’s to register and meet with potential schools for interviews Saturday and Sunday. When you arrive they give you an envelope with information you will need for the weekend along with blue cards. Those blue cards are from schools that are interested in meeting you. I LOVE the idea of someone asking to interview me. It’s like when a girl comes up and talks to me first. That happened once……Anyway, I had like 6 blue cards and it amazed me. I anticipated maybe one card because I don’t have experience at an international school so when I saw all the cards it gave me confidence. Some of the countries included Macau, Venezuela, Honduras, Mexico, Thailand and Italy. ITALY! I didn’t even consider this school because it would be in such high demand and Europe is a goal I have in a few years. So I had 20 minutes to respond to these cards. One minute my mind is set on the UAE. The next, thoughts of Italy and South America flood my mind. All of these contracts are two years so it is a major commitment to make that I take seriously because I don’t want to bail on a school that has but its faith in me. I decline Venezuela, Macau and a few others while excitingly checking yes to Italy, Bangkok and one in Qatar. At 7pm, everyone was in the auditorium for a briefing about how the weekend was going to play out. You could feel the tension. At 8, we were free to enter the gym and talk to potential school at their booths and request an interview. It wasn’t as chaotic as I had imagined so I picked the schools I researched, set up interviews and was ready to go in 20 minutes. After that, we grabbed a beer at a local watering hole while getting excited for our interviews in the morning. I researched the schools that were interested in me and was impressed with the Italian school that has IB curriculum and teaches half in Italian and half in English. They are legit. Did not get much sleep before it was off to my 7:30am meeting with a school in Bangkok. Thailand. Sigh. I love Thailand with all my heart and couldn’t ignore an interview with them but it wasn’t meant to be. The vice-principal didn’t even know where Nakhon was! After my first interview, I prepared for my next ones. School in the UAE went ok but I knew I wasn’t qualified enough for the position. After that, a good school in Qatar offered me a job teaching kindergarten for a decent pay. I am more comfortable teaching students who are a little older and I know I’m not the best kindergarten teacher so I declined that offer as well. 3 declines, 1 no offer.

Italy next. Good vibe from the director, felt good and answered his questions. Cancelled an interview to attend his presentation. Italy was the job I wanted. Told me they would email me later on that night. Ended up cancelling my last interview in the UAE because I heard bad things about the school and because I started to realize I really don’t want to move away alone again. I’ve done it and been successful but I would love to move somewhere I had contacts and some sort of base. Moving halfway across the world for a third time alone seems much more daunting now at 28 then it did when I was 25. It would be easier if I was married and just went where my wife wanted to live. Problem solved.

In the end, Italy never messaged me and I left the fair empty handed. It was my fault for increasing my expectations. The reason I did was because I was confident I could get what I wanted. As the weekend comes to an end, I’m confident that I’m a teacher that would make a school better and I have a lot to offer. This fair was compared by the organizers as speed dating. And they were right. You are looking for the right fit, timing and shared vision. I haven’t found her or the school yet but I’d rather be too patient and picky than jump into something that I know doesn’t feel a 100% right. On the plus side, my couchsurfing host signed at a school in Bulgaria! She wasn’t even considering going there on Friday and by Sunday she was committed to spending the next two years there. Amazing. I am now lifelong friends with her and Frank so the weekend wasn’t a total write off. I’m happy for everyone that got what they dreamed and it’s only a matter of time before I write a post about how ecstatic I am about my next adventure.  

"I will prepare and some day my chance will come." Abraham Lincoln

To who I'm going to marry

It's about time I tell single Bert that we've had some awesome times, met some cool people but I'm ready to move on. I feel like 28 years doing my own thing has gotten me almost as far as I’m going to get alone. I could be a much better Bert. Much better. I’m just not intrinsically motivated enough; having you as motivation will take us to new heights.

After meeting most new people I think “Will you be the girl I marry?” This is killing my productivity. I’m under the assumption that you are doing something incredibly awesome like building a sailboat, saving someone’s life and saving an endangered species all at the same time but I need your help. I’m not a good dater/boyfriend/small talker. I’m not someone you want to meet at a party. I’m not good at faking interest. I don’t have tons of things to say to strangers. I'm waiting to get to know you. I do promise I will tell you anything and everything you want and need to know. I’m saving my time and energy for you. I honestly remind myself constantly that I want to make your friends jealous about how great your life and family with me is. They won’t want to leave our clean house to go back to “Stan”  who forgot to feed their kids and put them to bed on time. It’s a school night!

 I promise to remember that you like burnt marshmallows, hate yogurt or whatever quirky things that are important to you because I will make it important to me. I promise to wake up early and make you breakfast, do the chore you especially hate and make sure your car is clean and smells like vanilla or whatever scent that you love.

If you laugh at my hilarious jokes, tell me I look good in one of my many suits and are cool with me watching football, I think we will do just fine. I only ask that you do your best to find me because I can’t wait to make your life better. And if you are half as good looking as I imagine you are, our kids will be breathtaking. I will teach our kids so many fun things, take them on walks and go on all kinds of adventures. I might be a better dad than a husband but I promise I won’t ever stop trying to be better at both. There are a few things I’m going to need to learn how to do first so I can teach our kids them but it seems like time is on our side. I doubt that you will find this post because you are probably somewhere researching nanotechnology or riding a horse in a country I've never heard of but you should know that I’m about ready to start exploring new cities, restaurants and islands with you. No hurry though; I wouldn’t want to rush you. I’m around. Just say hi.

 

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading"

Are you an adult?

When I wake up and get ready in the morning, I don’t look in the mirror and think that an adult is staring back at me
(I can’t actually see my reflection after showering because we don’t have a fan in the bathroom but you get the idea). My main thoughts consist of not forgetting my lunch, not being late for school and wishing I had gone to bed an hour earlier. Are those adult thoughts? They seem a level or two below what an adult should be thinking about. I imagine a real adult is thinking about getting their child ready for school, not forgetting about their wife’s _____ (I’m not sure what wives want their husbands to remember) and making sure their RRSP’s are growing at a steady rate. While I myself don’t see myself as an adult, I’m pretty sure my class of kindergartens and grade 3’s looked at me like I was one. The class I will be spending a month with in November will almost certainly look at me like I’m a grown up. I don’t feel like a kid or a teenager but I definitely don’t feel grown up or old. Maybe that’s because I’m in school, don’t have a career, a house or things of value. But I’m starting to think that even with those things I might not feel like one. I can’t be the only other person who feels this way, right? Do you look at yourself and think “I’m an adult?”. The main reason I’m writing about this is that there are certain ideas or habits I think an adult should demonstrate that I don’t at this moment in time. So if you do some or all of the following, I consider you an adult:

If you are walking down the street and it starts to rain and you causally pull out your umbrella and keep walking…you’re an adult.

If someone tells you they are hungry and you have snacks with you…you’re an adult.

If you do your own taxes…you’re an adult.

If you own a house…you’re an adult.

If you have money automatically taken off your paycheck that goes into a savings account…you’re an adult.

If you go to dinner parties…you’re an adult.

If you tell someone you aren't mad at them but just disappointed…you’re an adult.

If you have more than two kids…you’re an adult.

If you take baths on a regular basis and you aren't an actual baby…you’re an adult.

If you have a variety of different rewards cards and collect points…you’re an adult.

If you go on vacations with other couples...you're an adult.

If you can remember to bring bags to the grocery store to help the environment…you’re an adult.

If someone starts to cry or is sick and you hand them Kleenex you have in your bag…you’re an adult.

If you own and use a label maker…you’re an adult.

If you haven’t thrown up from drinking in more than a year, you are probably an adult.
If you collect art...you're an adult.

If you own a tuxedo...you’re an adult.

If people show up at your house unannounced and your house is spotless... you’re an adult.

If you host Thanksgiving and Christmas…you’re an adult.

If you have more than enough socks and they are matching each day…you’re an adult.

If you send out a Christmas card…you’re an adult.

I don’t want to make it seem like I’m hating on adults. I hope to be one someday. These are just some guidelines that might be useful in assessing your current adultness. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on being an adult and other characteristics adult have. Enjoy the rest of October because winter is coming.

"I believe that everyone else my age is an adult whereas I am merely in disguise." 

Margaret Atwood

I'm late to this video but I watched it yesterday and thought that it's super well made and made me think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs


My favorite song right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYjLYW9J6ws

Thanksgiving

I don’t want to bore people with talk of group work, school projects and Building Futures Workshops but a few too many days have passed without posting something so I’m thinking if this doesn't happen now, who knows how long you will have to suffer through a life with Teacher Bert posts. As usual, I will try to keep this short.

School is fun. I’m not a scientist but learning might be good for you. There are always things to be doing, books to read and assignments to tackle. We’ve made lava lamps, paper airplanes and other high level thinking projects. Going to school and learning that you will actually take into the real world is a much more enriching experience than learning about sedimentary rocks or Shakespeare. I go into my first real Canadian class for a day on Friday where I will be shadowing one of my professors and making a lesson plan out of the book “Love You Forever”. There are about 37ish people in my class; 32 of them I think are women. I’d like a refund.

A few weeks ago, our Math class went into an English school on the Quebec side to do a Math workshop with some elementary school kids. Let’s start by saying that I’m not a Math savant. Before going into the school, we do the Math problems that we will be showing the kids as a group then teaching them the next week. We had three problems but probably wouldn’t have enough time to complete all three with the students the following week. One of the problems was called Jumping Chips. You need to get the colours from one side to switch with the colours from the other side without jumping the same color and yellow can only go right and red can only go left.

This took a bit of time for the class to figure out but it’s a good Math problem that focuses on problem solving and patterning. So I study the problems to make sure I understand them, show up to school the next week and get assigned 3 kids for 45 minutes. 3 kids for 45 minutes? Easy. No. Problem. I tell them about my teaching experience and introduce the problems. First problem gets solved easily then it’s time for some Jumping Chips. To make a long story short, the kids were struggling with it and within 15 minutes I made one of them cry. Not a little cry, like a Bert crying in New Zealand cry. I’ve made students cry before so this didn’t really faze me but it’s the fact that I could understand how he felt feeling defeated by Math and feeling not smart made me feel horrible. He essentially felt worse off about Math after spending 45 minutes with me. After the class, a head teacher at the school informed me that he has a learning problem and not to take it personally. This would be the point where I would be honest and say that talking to that teacher about having difficulty with that student made me cry in front of her because I felt that I did a bad job as a teacher. But that would mean admitting for the second time that I've cried and I don’t think I’m comfortable sharing a second Bert being sad story so I will leave that out.

This was my first Thanksgiving in three years and in the spirit of giving thanks, I’m extremely thankful for my adorable nephew Ben, all of my other nieces and nephews for that matter but he’s the baby so he’s allowed to be the favourite. I’m thankful to be in school, to feel like I’m making progress in life, that being Canadian is a pretty great setup and feeling life is only going to get better. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and thanks again for letting me take up a part of your day.  

“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get” Frank W. Clark