Getting Rejected

 

 

The upside of something not great happening in my life is it gives me an opportunity to learn something and a story to write about. I’m going to give you my version of what happened and maybe you can learn from my experience.

 

Last week, I matched with a woman on Bumble. She asked me to join her and her girlfriend on a snowboarding tip to where the Olympics were held in 2018. I’m not a fan of organized tour groups but snowboarding in Korea is something I wanted to experience so I signed up. She told me that she had heard about this tour from another guy she met on Bumble, met up with that guy in real life but they didn’t get along, so all good. She also said that he was a bit weird. Once she said this, my first warning sign flashed in my mind.

“If you think some random guy is weird, you will almost certainly think I’m weird.”

We make a plan to meet Saturday morning. I don’t have data so I can’t call or message people without WIFI. I get to the metro stop outside and think that I see her with her friend but I don’t want to walk up to strangers and say “I’m Bert from Bumble” and them not know who I am so I put my bags down and wait for more people to show up thinking that she would recognize me and come over since she knows I am alone.

 

She doesn’t come over and now it’s time to get on the bus. Things are officially awkward and heading in the wrong direction and I am not even on the bus yet. (Doesn’t being single sound fun?)

 

Now my thinking is she will know it’s me, call my name and tell me to sit next to her. I get on the bus, no seats left in the back so I am sitting at the front of the bus like a poindexter. Let me also say that at that time, I was not 100% sure what this girl’s name was so it’s even more awkward. I put in my headphones and start wishing the trip was over. An hour later the bus stops for a 10-minute break. Here is the time to turn things around. I get off the bus, put my bag down, and start eating some oranges (remember the oranges for later) thinking now she will come over and we can finally meet. I don’t see her get off the bus and nobody comes over to talk to me. Just kill me already.

 

I get back on the bus, listen to Obama’s new audiobook and think about asking the organizers to change us rooms because things will almost certainly get worse (spoiler: things got worse). We get to the resort and get our passes. I ask one of the people in charge of the tour how to get to the hill, he points me and another guy in the right direction so we walk over there together. I am resigned to the fact that I will be alone the entire weekend and snowboarding solo. I’m actually ok with snowboarding alone and I get to cross this off my Korean bucket list. Not a complete disaster. I get setup and am walking to the chairlift and about to line up when a woman in a purple jacket comes over and asks me if I’m Bert. I apologize for missing her and explain the no phone situation is not optimal. She seems fine with everything and we ride the chairlift together. Things have turned around and I have found my future girlfriend. Things are great (spoiler: things are not great).

 

We ride the lifts, go down the different runs, I ask her questions, I offered her snacks and I even peeled an orange for her. That’s the part that really gets me. I peeled an orange for you and this is how you treat me!!!

After an hour or so, we grab lunch, I meet her friend and we make a plan to meetup around 5 to get to our hostel room and unpack. The second warning that flashed in my mind was there were 8 people in our dorm room and 6 were guys. Slightly worried but I think I’m cooler than most other men so I didn’t worry too much about it. Well, I underestimated this jabrone from Ohio. As soon as he got in, he was talking to her, teasing her and getting her Instagram. As soon as she grabber his phone, I knew it was over. She was into him and started to ignore me. Now, she didn’t do anything egregiously offensive. I’m not her boyfriend and she’s free to do whatever she likes. I think it’s the fact that I had to witness all of this unfolding in front of my eyes was the worst part. We go back on the hill at 7; she told me she would meet up with me at 8; let’s just say she didn’t show up. And from there, it was clear that I was out and he was in. I spend the rest of that night and the following day trying to avoid seeing them snowboarding and hanging out together. I’m not sure if this is the worst part but on the bus ride back, the guy sat beside me for the 3-hour journey back to Seoul. This was not a small bus; he must have been trolling me.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened. I should have messaged her once I got to the metro stop using the metro’s WIFI; I think that not drinking also pushed her into his arms; finally, she just might have thought I was lame and thought that this short, homely, unfunny American was a better fit. Now, what can you learn from this?

 

- Lesson 1: Always have data. You’re not cool buy sticking it to the man and not having a phone number.

-Lesson 2: If you think you recognize the person you are meeting, be aggressive and just introduce yourself. It’s probably the person you think it is.

-Lesson 3: Don’t go on trips with strangers.

-Lesson 4: If you don’t follow lesson 3, at least make sure that the person likes you before making this mistake.

-Lesson 5: If you want to make people feel relaxed and trust you, drinking will make that happen.

-Lesson 6: If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t try.

If you don’t try, you won’t get rejected. This is a fact. If you don’t talk to anyone or meet up with anyone, it’s essentially impossible for them to hurt you. However, is that anyway to live? Do you want to live your life sitting on the sidelines? It’s like investing in stocks; you will lose money but you might also double or triple your investment. You can’t win if you don’t play…unlessssssss you get an arranged marriage. I need to call my mom.

 

So, what is the best way to deal with rejection? Luckily, I have tons of experience on this so let me guide you.

-Feel however you want about what happened. We can’t ignore our feelings. Be upset or sad; it’s going to be fine...eventually...probably...right?

-Don’t try to convince someone to like you; it’s a dead-end.

-I have written a little bit about his before:

 http://bertbrandon.blogspot.com/2014/08/puzzle-pieces_20.html

-Call your brother and his wife; it’s their job as members of the family to make you feel better

-Lori Gottlieb of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: “When somebody rejects us, there’s a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival.”

-J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before being published. If Harry can handle that many rejections, so can you.

-Write a blog post about your failure or just write about it in your own journal if you prefer a bit more privacy.

 

I hope you were either mildly entertained reading about my weekend or learned something about dealing with rejection. I have a few more posts coming before the end of 2020.

“It’s important to learn from your mistakes, but it is better to learn from other people’s mistakes, and it is best to learn from other people’s successes. It accelerates your own success.” Jim Rohn