How to Be a Good Uncle

I was recently speaking with a friend who told me he is about to become an uncle for the first time. Since I have been an uncle for a few years, I was going to give him some advice. I quickly realized I could write about it and share my knowledge with all of you. Here is my advice on how to be a good uncle. I cannot guarantee this will help you be a good aunt.

 

Let’s first clarify that we aren’t trying to be great; let’s just try to be good. No need to set the bar too high. I believe I currently have a passing grade as an uncle. I have many nieces and nephews; some are in university while some are just learning to ski! Let’s just make this simple and make a list of do’s and don’ts.

 

-Love them as much as you can. Whatever way you show love, make sure they feel it.

-Take them places. Go to a park; kids LOVE swings. Go for a walk and grab pizza. Go to a museum, Jays game, or make going to the grocery store fun. Amusements parks are a huge hit.

-Stay in touch. Voice note here. Zoom call there. They don’t want to hear from you all the time but check in every so often to stay updated. I feel like the younger they are, the more excited they are to talk to you. The older they are, you can check in every two months or so.

-Give them advice. Tell them why it’s important to stay fit, save their money, or learn a second language. They won’t not listen to everything but something might stick.

-Model good behaviour. Don’t want your niece or nephew to smoke? Then don’t smoke. Want them to be kind, curious, and ask great questions? Show them how.

-Babysit. This might be more to help your brother or sister who need an afternoon or evening free but everyone wins in this situation. From observing what it takes to manage a household, it seems like an extra set of hands can really come in handy. Even simply being in the house while your niece or nephew naps so a parent can run errands can be a major help even if it’s not overly taxing on you.

-Ask them lots of questions. Younger kids don’t have too much going on in their lives so it’s up to you to create some content. What did you eat for breakfast? Is there snow outside? What book do you read before bed? Show me your teeth, nose, fingers, toes, etc. You can raise the difficulty level once they start school.

 

-Buy them books. I recently sent books about saving money (which their mother could also find value in) and finding work they love. Have they read either of those books yet? My guess is no but this post might encourage them to read them. I also send a National Geographic for Kids subscription to the younger ones to help make learning fun.

-Read to them. Read them a book you loved as a kid or explore a bookstore and find something unique.

-Have a picture of the two of you or just a picture of you in their house. The more they see you, the better.

-Walk or pick them up from school. This might not ever be possible for geographical or virus reasons but there was a point where I was dropping my nephew off at school and it was a nice routine that allowed some solid uncle-nephew bonding time.

 

-Remember their birthday. I am not great at this one. Put it in your Google calendar now. Kids are obsessed with their birthdays so try and make it special in your own way.

 

-Travel with them. I haven’t ever been in a financial position to have been able to travel with any of my nieces and nephews but once I am back and have things figured out, travelling with them will need to happen.

-Do things they love. Your niece or nephew is super into Beyblades, then do that. They love unicorns, looks like you have your next Halloween costume figured out.

-Feed them. Kids love food, snacks and treats. It’s up to you how healthy you want to make these food decisions.

 

 

Don’t

-Don’t always buy them things. I try and spend time with them more than just giving them something each time I see them. If you don’t want them to expect a gift each time you seem them, then don’t buy them gifts each time you see them. They also don’t need anything. I am sure their parents are giving them plenty of toys and clothes. Be the uncle they go on adventures with.

-Don’t boss them around; that’s what their dad is for. You are there for them to talk to if they need a sympathetic ear.  This doesn’t mean you can’t gently steer them in a certain direction but try to avoid giving orders.

-Don’t complain or criticize their mom or dad or their brothers or sisters. 

-You don’t need to spend a lot of money on them. When they are little, you can get away with spending almost zero dollars on them. Go to a library, park, or a bike ride. All free. It gets a little trickier as they get older but realize that you don’t need to be spending a lot of money on them to create memories.

-Don’t live in another country their whole life! I think I have done an ok job with overall time spent with my nieces and nephews. However, living in the same country, province or town will increase total time spend and memories created.

-Don’t expect your niece or nephew to keep a secret. If you buy your niece Gatorade and tell her not to tell their mom, you better believe the first thing she tells her mom is about that Cool Blue flavored Gatorade you bought her.

Being a good uncle isn’t that hard. Even if you don’t live close-by, you can still show them you care about them. Make the time you have together count, give them your full attention, remember things they tell you, take pictures, laugh, be there when things are going well and when things go off the rails. You’ll do great.

 

"No family is complete without an embarrassing uncle." Peter Morgan