I Might Be an Eeyore

 

I have blog post ideas. I’ve been reading books and want to put my thoughts together as blog posts. Posts on regret, how to change your mind, being more organized, and how to create better habits. Have I made the time for any of these things? I have not. Do I have a good excuse? No. Will I write them one day? Probably not.

 

I’ve been back in North America for over a year. I’m at a slight loss for how to put the last year into words. This might have to do with the fact that I am writing this at 3 in the morning or because I’m not great with words. I also sort of feel like the older I get, being a teacher in Canada and having my own business, I am a little more cautious with what I might have normally shared in the past. I’ve always kept in mind that my mom reads these so I’ve never really gone 100% but it may be only hitting me now the degree of what I share here and how that might either help (improbable) or hurt (more likely) how people see me.

 

I will start by saying I do think I try to remain positive and be grateful. Especially with teaching, you can’t be an Eeyore. You especially especially can’t be an Eeyore running a birthday party entertainment business for children; that’s a for sure. However, I can at times see more potholes than rainbows. What could remedy this situation? Unfortunately, I’m not confident this can be fully cured. I’m not naïve enough to think that having x will make me happy or if y happens, things will be great. I think we are sort of born into a certain kind of optimism/pessimism ratio and my ratio skews slightly towards the pessimistic side. This is not a complaint in any way; this is just what I believe to be true. What do you think your optimism/pessimism ratio is? 80/20? 55/45?

 

While we are on the topic of pessimism, here are some other thoughts:

-I’m 36. I’m fairly sure I’ve peaked physically and I'm only getting uglier. Aging just seems like a gradual mental and physical decline and then death. Do you think your best days are still ahead of you? I could be convinced that things will get better but I wouldn’t bet on it.

 

-I’m confused about how single people are supposed to buy a home in Canada. I don’t get it. My nephew keeps chirping me about not having a wife and not owning a home. When a 9-year-old questions your life choices and future, there is no real comeback that doesn’t make him seem more mature than I am.

 

-So, we just need to work all of the time just to be able to live on this planet? What kind of a deal is this? This would be a good spot for a swear word if some of my old students didn’t read this.

 

-Take the garbage out. Make food. Clean up. Go to bed. Take the garbage out. Commute. Work. Grocery shop. Pay bills. Clean up. Make food. Take the garbage out. It’s enough already.

 

-It gives me some satisfaction to believe that the world isn’t just out to get me. It’s out to get you as well. You think things are going well? Just wait. Are things finally starting to go your way? Oh boy, does the world have a surprise waiting for you.

 

-It seems like you know who might be coming back to our lives to wreak even more havoc. 

-Imagine being from Ukraine and having to be at war? Now that is something to complain about.

 

I might have to write a blog post about being more optimistic. However, I don’t think we should just lie to each other about how great life is. Again, this is why I am still adamantly opposed to the casual, “How are you?” greeting we get in our everyday lives. Listen, lady, you don’t want to hear what I have to say.

 

That’s probably enough for now. I was sort of hoping this would help me fall asleep but it seems to have done the opposite. I hope that you are having the #bestsummerever and life is just amazing for you. Things are great over here!