Miscellaneous Update

 

We are about two weeks from my ten-year anniversary of booking a one-way ticket to Thailand. Ten years. 210 blog posts. Innumerable spelling and grammatical mistakes.  A few new friends and a story or two to tell. Thanks for reading. Here is my May 2021 update.

 

-It’s two weeks until my birthday. I will be turning 35 years old. If I was a stock, my rating would be Sell.

 

-I am reading Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Huck Finn is just a big liar.

 

-I just fished watching Game of Thrones. My favourite two-character combo is the Hound and Arya. Cersei gives the best performance. Season 7 and 8 the show essentially turns into a show about zombies. If you love incest, dragons, and zombies, GoT is the show for you.

-I (mistakenly) told my students I would buy them a class pet a few months ago. I put another student in charge of finding an aquarium and purchasing whatever equipment we needed. Total initial cost: $160. Shortly after buying these two fish, they begin fighting each other. One gets a damaged fin. The student tells me I need to buy the fish fin repair medicine which cost $30. I drew the line at fish fin repair medicine.

However, a few weeks later, one of these fish laid eggs and the students were worried that the eggs were being eaten so I had to buy some type of protective bubble device to protect the eggs: $15. There are now many small baby fish in our class fish tank. Do you think my payments will cease now that I have a school of fish to support? I doubt it.

 

-I have about 90 days until I leave Korea. I feel good about that.

 

-I will be spending a few days in Portland, Washington, and Seattle. I feel great about that.

 

-A Canadian restaurant opened very close to my apartment. The lady who owns it worked in Quebec for a little while so she makes some traditional Canadian meals like poutine and chilli. I like it there.

 

-I was a little worried everyone would be vaccinated by the time I got home and I would miss out on a super fun summer; doesn’t seem like I will be missing out on much. I am very optimistic about things getting back to normal-ish this fall and winter and excited to be home to experience it. Things aren’t all bad.

 

-I recently watched the first three Rambo movies. I have a lot of free time.

-Am I worried about my future? Slightly.

 

-Should you be worried about my future? No.

 

-Is my mom worried about my future? Yes.

 

-My keypad to my apartment recently ran out of batteries. Stupid future.

 

-I asked my students what they would buy me for my 35^th birthday. One student wrote that he would buy me dentures, glasses, and a more comfortable bed because I’m old and need to rest.

 

-One of my nephews has been writing stories. I was told that the price was $2-3 a story. I recently asked him if I could buy a story from him. He agreed. The price has skyrocketed to $25. He knows a sucker when he sees one.

 

-Today I did not have to go to school because it’s Children’s Day in Korea. When I was a kid, I asked why there was a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day but no Kid’s Day. I was told that every day was Kid’s Day.

 

-I recently re-watched What About Bob? Great family friendly viewing.

-My best friend in Korea is my bicycle.

 

-May 24^th will be 365 without drinking alcohol. 

 

I hope you have enjoyed this update. I hope you like bubbles. 

 “Knowing trees, I came to realize, understand and appreciate the act of patience.” Ogwo David Emenike

  

Chinese Foods That Aren't Terrible

 

I don’t love Chinese food. It can be too spicy, a strange texture, or if you have ever smelt stinky tofu, you would have immediately lost your appetite. However, there are some solid Chinese foods you should try. This is only Shanghai focused since I did not travel to many other places to have a strong opinion on different parts of China’s cuisine. But from what I am told, South China is more exotic and flavourful; West China is spicy and adventurous; East China is delicate and traditional; North China Cis tasty and wholesome.

 

Let’s start with my favourite Chinese food:

 

Street eggplant

 

I don’t remember ever enjoying eggplant before eating on the streets of Shanghai. The fact that the eggplant was warm with different flavours and seasonings made me fall in love. Eating this food after a night out also might have helped the deliciousness factor. Unfortunately, the number of people selling street food in Shanghai decreased dramatically but if you ever get the chance to try this, go for it.

 

My top breakfast choice:

Jian Bing

Most Asian countries do not excel in their breakfast choices but you can usually find something to fill you up in the morning. Not only is Jian Bing delectable, it’s super cheap.

Best dumplings:

Xiaolongbao

I crave this Chinese food the most since leaving Shanghai. There was a little restaurant right next to my apartment where I would order some extremely cheap Xiaolongbao, drink a Sprite, and plan for my next Couchsurfing arrival.

Tomato and egg stir fry

I don’t know why this works. Tomatoes are not the best but something about putting them together was a genius move.

 

Best soup:

Beef noodle soup

There was a great beef noodle place near my apartment that was blissful and affordable. I’m not sure if my opinions on food is being skewed by my low income and lower social status but this will fill you up.

Spicy cumin lamb skewers

I was reluctant to try these because I heard rumours that some of the meat might not be what you think it is but a friend assured me it was legit and this was a tasty treat after finishing lacrosse.

 

Chinese hamburger Rou Jia Mo

There was a Halal restaurant that served this and while it was delectable, just make sure you were close to a bathroom shortly after finishing this snack.

Or order up some spring rolls, chicken balls, and a fortune cookie from your local Chinese restaurant and tell them Bert sent you. 

“Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” Carl Sigman

Shanghai Report Card

 

I’ve written report cards on Thailand, Poland and New Zealand. This report card will only be Shanghai focused because it’s basically the only place I visited during my time in China. I loved my time in Shanghai. I initially did not want to go and it took me a few months to warm up to the city but I feel like it was the right place for me for that period of my life. Was it a mistake leaving? Possibly.

 

Food: C+

 In general, I was not a fan of Chinese cuisine. There are many different regions with different specialties.  The mainstay is hotpot. It isn’t good. I might do a specific post about Chinese foods I enjoyed.

 I didn’t see one chicken ball or fortune cookie in 2.5 years.

 

Activities: A-

If you can think of an activity, Shanghai probably has it. Ultimate Frisbee? Check. Lacrosse? Check?  Mahjong? Triple check.

While Shanghai has lots of activities, they aren’t always easy to get to and normally don’t involve too much nature which is one of the downsides to living in hill-less shanghai. Also, many activities involve drinking so if you don't love getting after it, it will be harder to find sober friends and activities.

Architecture: A

Many different neighborhoods will tons of history and different buildings; something Seoul lacks. 

 

Nightlife: A-

Shanghai is certainly a party. If you want to wild, Shanghai is wiling and able. You can buy alcohol 24 hours a day, towers of whiskey, all you can drink brunch; if you like drinking, Shanghai is for you. From Chinese clubs to foreigner filled zones, Shanghai is not lacking in the booze and getting wild department. Things have been getting stricter and occasionally establishments that might not be following the rules get punished as well as people who frequent those places. Random drug testing is rampant and can result in being deported. There is definitely a place for Shanghai elite to get wild at but a commoner such as myself does not have access to said institutions.

Cost: A-

Some people might disagree but almost any city can be done cheaply. Yes, Shanghai can be crazy expensive. From fancy restaurants, expensive penthouse and Tesla Ubers, the bill can add up. But if you eat noodles, take the metro and are conscious about how and what you spend, saving in Shanghai is possible. My apartment was about $800 a month and was in a decent part of town. Utilities are cheap, phone bill low and having a cleaning lady was definitely worth the low cost. 

Women: C+

I hope this doesn’t get me banned from China. I personally just don’t find Chinese women attractive. Some certainly are. On a random weekend in Shanghai I might see 3 which is not a great ratio considering 24+ million people live there. I’m sure they are quite kind and generous but I never got into it and don’t get the appeal.

 

Pollution: D

It might look life fog but it’s smog. China is not the only country that has air quality issues. India, Thailand, Mali and many other countries also have real issues with their pollution levels. It is certainly a reason I did not want to spend too much more time living in China.

Safety: A

This one is a little tricky. Let’s say safety from random people on the streets of Shanghai you have nothing to worry about. There are literally cameras everywhere that are tracking your every move which potentially could be seen as a negative. I never felt unsafe wandering the streets of Shanghai at night. With greater safety comes a certain lack of freedom that some people are for and others are against. I just read that Shanghai has over one millions CCTV cameras.  

Location: B+

Asia is what’s up. Close to Korea and Japan. Not super close to Canada but Air Canada has direct flights that really takes the edge off of the trip.

Overall grade: B+

While these are the categories I feel are safe to debate about, other categories that tend to get people into trouble have not been discussed here. Is China perfect? No. With more than a billion people to govern, certain ways of governing have enabled China to become a superpower that seems more organized and more thoughtful than another superpower I can think of. The future is Asian. I’m grateful for my time in Shanghai and I am really disappointed that I haven't been able to go back and visit. Slightly jealous of those still living in Shanghai. 

 

 

“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” Chinese proverb. 

How to Be a Good Uncle

I was recently speaking with a friend who told me he is about to become an uncle for the first time. Since I have been an uncle for a few years, I was going to give him some advice. I quickly realized I could write about it and share my knowledge with all of you. Here is my advice on how to be a good uncle. I cannot guarantee this will help you be a good aunt.

 

Let’s first clarify that we aren’t trying to be great; let’s just try to be good. No need to set the bar too high. I believe I currently have a passing grade as an uncle. I have many nieces and nephews; some are in university while some are just learning to ski! Let’s just make this simple and make a list of do’s and don’ts.

 

-Love them as much as you can. Whatever way you show love, make sure they feel it.

-Take them places. Go to a park; kids LOVE swings. Go for a walk and grab pizza. Go to a museum, Jays game, or make going to the grocery store fun. Amusements parks are a huge hit.

-Stay in touch. Voice note here. Zoom call there. They don’t want to hear from you all the time but check in every so often to stay updated. I feel like the younger they are, the more excited they are to talk to you. The older they are, you can check in every two months or so.

-Give them advice. Tell them why it’s important to stay fit, save their money, or learn a second language. They won’t not listen to everything but something might stick.

-Model good behaviour. Don’t want your niece or nephew to smoke? Then don’t smoke. Want them to be kind, curious, and ask great questions? Show them how.

-Babysit. This might be more to help your brother or sister who need an afternoon or evening free but everyone wins in this situation. From observing what it takes to manage a household, it seems like an extra set of hands can really come in handy. Even simply being in the house while your niece or nephew naps so a parent can run errands can be a major help even if it’s not overly taxing on you.

-Ask them lots of questions. Younger kids don’t have too much going on in their lives so it’s up to you to create some content. What did you eat for breakfast? Is there snow outside? What book do you read before bed? Show me your teeth, nose, fingers, toes, etc. You can raise the difficulty level once they start school.

 

-Buy them books. I recently sent books about saving money (which their mother could also find value in) and finding work they love. Have they read either of those books yet? My guess is no but this post might encourage them to read them. I also send a National Geographic for Kids subscription to the younger ones to help make learning fun.

-Read to them. Read them a book you loved as a kid or explore a bookstore and find something unique.

-Have a picture of the two of you or just a picture of you in their house. The more they see you, the better.

-Walk or pick them up from school. This might not ever be possible for geographical or virus reasons but there was a point where I was dropping my nephew off at school and it was a nice routine that allowed some solid uncle-nephew bonding time.

 

-Remember their birthday. I am not great at this one. Put it in your Google calendar now. Kids are obsessed with their birthdays so try and make it special in your own way.

 

-Travel with them. I haven’t ever been in a financial position to have been able to travel with any of my nieces and nephews but once I am back and have things figured out, travelling with them will need to happen.

-Do things they love. Your niece or nephew is super into Beyblades, then do that. They love unicorns, looks like you have your next Halloween costume figured out.

-Feed them. Kids love food, snacks and treats. It’s up to you how healthy you want to make these food decisions.

 

 

Don’t

-Don’t always buy them things. I try and spend time with them more than just giving them something each time I see them. If you don’t want them to expect a gift each time you seem them, then don’t buy them gifts each time you see them. They also don’t need anything. I am sure their parents are giving them plenty of toys and clothes. Be the uncle they go on adventures with.

-Don’t boss them around; that’s what their dad is for. You are there for them to talk to if they need a sympathetic ear.  This doesn’t mean you can’t gently steer them in a certain direction but try to avoid giving orders.

-Don’t complain or criticize their mom or dad or their brothers or sisters. 

-You don’t need to spend a lot of money on them. When they are little, you can get away with spending almost zero dollars on them. Go to a library, park, or a bike ride. All free. It gets a little trickier as they get older but realize that you don’t need to be spending a lot of money on them to create memories.

-Don’t live in another country their whole life! I think I have done an ok job with overall time spent with my nieces and nephews. However, living in the same country, province or town will increase total time spend and memories created.

-Don’t expect your niece or nephew to keep a secret. If you buy your niece Gatorade and tell her not to tell their mom, you better believe the first thing she tells her mom is about that Cool Blue flavored Gatorade you bought her.

Being a good uncle isn’t that hard. Even if you don’t live close-by, you can still show them you care about them. Make the time you have together count, give them your full attention, remember things they tell you, take pictures, laugh, be there when things are going well and when things go off the rails. You’ll do great.

 

"No family is complete without an embarrassing uncle." Peter Morgan

 

 

What's up? Nothing. Always nothing.

 

When people ask you what’s up or what’s new, how do you respond? Because I know my response for almost a year now: nothing. Nothing is going on because nothing is happening.

 

If you asked me what I was up to last April I would have said nothing. June? It’s warmer out but still nothing. September? Back to school with things possibly maybe looking better at some point in the future. New Year's Eve? Staying at home. Next weekend? Maybe go for a hike. What am I doing this spring? Going for more bike rides and trying to save my money. Imagine calling someone and them telling you an interesting story about something cool they’ve done outside of their home or a fascinating story involving the people who don’t live at their house? Yeah right! Not happening.

 

Is leading a boring life the worst possible thing to happen? Well, no. Being dead would presumably be much worse. Getting Covid would be a more terrible outcome than being bored at home on a random Thursday night. Is not going out actually kind of nice? I would say yes. Lean into this lifestyle. Go to bed early or finally get around to watching The Sopranos. Seoul being the city where I have the least number of friends ever has actually been a positive thing. Nobody to not be able to chill with. I wake up each Friday morning with essentially the same schedule to look forward to:

Being super tired from a week of work so lately asleep by 11pm.

Saturday morning either play poker with my brother's friends or play Xbox with an acquaintance online. Saturday night either eat some sashimi and/or chicken wings and watch something on Crave.

Sunday read, get groceries and maybe call a friend or someone in my family (mom) to complain about a variety of things.

 

I just read an article about how hard this pandemic has been especially hard on working moms. A hotline was setup for women to call and to say whatever they were feeling. Some cried. Some were angry. Some were desperate. Most just wanted a break and some piece and quiet. I then realized that many moms might jump at the opportunity of what my weekends are: silent and free from responsibility.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/02/04/parenting/working-moms-coronavirus.html

 

I sort of look at my weekends as lame and uneventful. I probably don’t appreciate how tough it must be on families who have younger children, working full time, trying to keep everyone healthy and entertained. I have no tips about how to survive online Zoom classes. I don’t know what you and your partner should talk about since neither of you really go anywhere. I will however mention that while none of this is really fun for anyone, the bright side of this is that (hopefully) you have realized your house is full of love (and possibly a few other emotions). I hope people have spent the last year trying to learn something about themselves and their families. Maybe you have realized your husband is a complete dope and once all of this is over, you will be swiping on Tinder like there is no tomorrow. (Steve, I am looking at you here). Maybe you realized your daughter isn’t all that bad and is actually super funny. Rarely are events 100% all good or bad. This has been mostly bad but this has also been an opportunity to try out that hobby you never seemed to have the time for. Those Saturday nights with your friends playing whist has now hopefully turned into something equally or even more fulfilling. I’ve spent the last year reading more books than ever, biking when the weather is warm, planning my return to Canada, and I’ve spent the last 6 months being as sober as a nun. However, if you’ve spent the last year not learning how to make sourdough, canning jam, or quilting, that’s ok too.

 

I can’t imagine the stress involved in having a family to take care of during this time, but ultimately you have people who need you and look up to you and that’s not all bad. I wish you luck and let’s all just stay patient and kind until this nightmare is behind is.

"Que sera, sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours to see

Que sera, sera

What will be, will be"

Doris Day

Getting Rejected

 

 

The upside of something not great happening in my life is it gives me an opportunity to learn something and a story to write about. I’m going to give you my version of what happened and maybe you can learn from my experience.

 

Last week, I matched with a woman on Bumble. She asked me to join her and her girlfriend on a snowboarding tip to where the Olympics were held in 2018. I’m not a fan of organized tour groups but snowboarding in Korea is something I wanted to experience so I signed up. She told me that she had heard about this tour from another guy she met on Bumble, met up with that guy in real life but they didn’t get along, so all good. She also said that he was a bit weird. Once she said this, my first warning sign flashed in my mind.

“If you think some random guy is weird, you will almost certainly think I’m weird.”

We make a plan to meet Saturday morning. I don’t have data so I can’t call or message people without WIFI. I get to the metro stop outside and think that I see her with her friend but I don’t want to walk up to strangers and say “I’m Bert from Bumble” and them not know who I am so I put my bags down and wait for more people to show up thinking that she would recognize me and come over since she knows I am alone.

 

She doesn’t come over and now it’s time to get on the bus. Things are officially awkward and heading in the wrong direction and I am not even on the bus yet. (Doesn’t being single sound fun?)

 

Now my thinking is she will know it’s me, call my name and tell me to sit next to her. I get on the bus, no seats left in the back so I am sitting at the front of the bus like a poindexter. Let me also say that at that time, I was not 100% sure what this girl’s name was so it’s even more awkward. I put in my headphones and start wishing the trip was over. An hour later the bus stops for a 10-minute break. Here is the time to turn things around. I get off the bus, put my bag down, and start eating some oranges (remember the oranges for later) thinking now she will come over and we can finally meet. I don’t see her get off the bus and nobody comes over to talk to me. Just kill me already.

 

I get back on the bus, listen to Obama’s new audiobook and think about asking the organizers to change us rooms because things will almost certainly get worse (spoiler: things got worse). We get to the resort and get our passes. I ask one of the people in charge of the tour how to get to the hill, he points me and another guy in the right direction so we walk over there together. I am resigned to the fact that I will be alone the entire weekend and snowboarding solo. I’m actually ok with snowboarding alone and I get to cross this off my Korean bucket list. Not a complete disaster. I get setup and am walking to the chairlift and about to line up when a woman in a purple jacket comes over and asks me if I’m Bert. I apologize for missing her and explain the no phone situation is not optimal. She seems fine with everything and we ride the chairlift together. Things have turned around and I have found my future girlfriend. Things are great (spoiler: things are not great).

 

We ride the lifts, go down the different runs, I ask her questions, I offered her snacks and I even peeled an orange for her. That’s the part that really gets me. I peeled an orange for you and this is how you treat me!!!

After an hour or so, we grab lunch, I meet her friend and we make a plan to meetup around 5 to get to our hostel room and unpack. The second warning that flashed in my mind was there were 8 people in our dorm room and 6 were guys. Slightly worried but I think I’m cooler than most other men so I didn’t worry too much about it. Well, I underestimated this jabrone from Ohio. As soon as he got in, he was talking to her, teasing her and getting her Instagram. As soon as she grabber his phone, I knew it was over. She was into him and started to ignore me. Now, she didn’t do anything egregiously offensive. I’m not her boyfriend and she’s free to do whatever she likes. I think it’s the fact that I had to witness all of this unfolding in front of my eyes was the worst part. We go back on the hill at 7; she told me she would meet up with me at 8; let’s just say she didn’t show up. And from there, it was clear that I was out and he was in. I spend the rest of that night and the following day trying to avoid seeing them snowboarding and hanging out together. I’m not sure if this is the worst part but on the bus ride back, the guy sat beside me for the 3-hour journey back to Seoul. This was not a small bus; he must have been trolling me.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened. I should have messaged her once I got to the metro stop using the metro’s WIFI; I think that not drinking also pushed her into his arms; finally, she just might have thought I was lame and thought that this short, homely, unfunny American was a better fit. Now, what can you learn from this?

 

- Lesson 1: Always have data. You’re not cool buy sticking it to the man and not having a phone number.

-Lesson 2: If you think you recognize the person you are meeting, be aggressive and just introduce yourself. It’s probably the person you think it is.

-Lesson 3: Don’t go on trips with strangers.

-Lesson 4: If you don’t follow lesson 3, at least make sure that the person likes you before making this mistake.

-Lesson 5: If you want to make people feel relaxed and trust you, drinking will make that happen.

-Lesson 6: If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t try.

If you don’t try, you won’t get rejected. This is a fact. If you don’t talk to anyone or meet up with anyone, it’s essentially impossible for them to hurt you. However, is that anyway to live? Do you want to live your life sitting on the sidelines? It’s like investing in stocks; you will lose money but you might also double or triple your investment. You can’t win if you don’t play…unlessssssss you get an arranged marriage. I need to call my mom.

 

So, what is the best way to deal with rejection? Luckily, I have tons of experience on this so let me guide you.

-Feel however you want about what happened. We can’t ignore our feelings. Be upset or sad; it’s going to be fine...eventually...probably...right?

-Don’t try to convince someone to like you; it’s a dead-end.

-I have written a little bit about his before:

 http://bertbrandon.blogspot.com/2014/08/puzzle-pieces_20.html

-Call your brother and his wife; it’s their job as members of the family to make you feel better

-Lori Gottlieb of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: “When somebody rejects us, there’s a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival.”

-J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before being published. If Harry can handle that many rejections, so can you.

-Write a blog post about your failure or just write about it in your own journal if you prefer a bit more privacy.

 

I hope you were either mildly entertained reading about my weekend or learned something about dealing with rejection. I have a few more posts coming before the end of 2020.

“It’s important to learn from your mistakes, but it is better to learn from other people’s mistakes, and it is best to learn from other people’s successes. It accelerates your own success.” Jim Rohn