Getting Rejected

 

 

The upside of something not great happening in my life is it gives me an opportunity to learn something and a story to write about. I’m going to give you my version of what happened and maybe you can learn from my experience.

 

Last week, I matched with a woman on Bumble. She asked me to join her and her girlfriend on a snowboarding tip to where the Olympics were held in 2018. I’m not a fan of organized tour groups but snowboarding in Korea is something I wanted to experience so I signed up. She told me that she had heard about this tour from another guy she met on Bumble, met up with that guy in real life but they didn’t get along, so all good. She also said that he was a bit weird. Once she said this, my first warning sign flashed in my mind.

“If you think some random guy is weird, you will almost certainly think I’m weird.”

We make a plan to meet Saturday morning. I don’t have data so I can’t call or message people without WIFI. I get to the metro stop outside and think that I see her with her friend but I don’t want to walk up to strangers and say “I’m Bert from Bumble” and them not know who I am so I put my bags down and wait for more people to show up thinking that she would recognize me and come over since she knows I am alone.

 

She doesn’t come over and now it’s time to get on the bus. Things are officially awkward and heading in the wrong direction and I am not even on the bus yet. (Doesn’t being single sound fun?)

 

Now my thinking is she will know it’s me, call my name and tell me to sit next to her. I get on the bus, no seats left in the back so I am sitting at the front of the bus like a poindexter. Let me also say that at that time, I was not 100% sure what this girl’s name was so it’s even more awkward. I put in my headphones and start wishing the trip was over. An hour later the bus stops for a 10-minute break. Here is the time to turn things around. I get off the bus, put my bag down, and start eating some oranges (remember the oranges for later) thinking now she will come over and we can finally meet. I don’t see her get off the bus and nobody comes over to talk to me. Just kill me already.

 

I get back on the bus, listen to Obama’s new audiobook and think about asking the organizers to change us rooms because things will almost certainly get worse (spoiler: things got worse). We get to the resort and get our passes. I ask one of the people in charge of the tour how to get to the hill, he points me and another guy in the right direction so we walk over there together. I am resigned to the fact that I will be alone the entire weekend and snowboarding solo. I’m actually ok with snowboarding alone and I get to cross this off my Korean bucket list. Not a complete disaster. I get setup and am walking to the chairlift and about to line up when a woman in a purple jacket comes over and asks me if I’m Bert. I apologize for missing her and explain the no phone situation is not optimal. She seems fine with everything and we ride the chairlift together. Things have turned around and I have found my future girlfriend. Things are great (spoiler: things are not great).

 

We ride the lifts, go down the different runs, I ask her questions, I offered her snacks and I even peeled an orange for her. That’s the part that really gets me. I peeled an orange for you and this is how you treat me!!!

After an hour or so, we grab lunch, I meet her friend and we make a plan to meetup around 5 to get to our hostel room and unpack. The second warning that flashed in my mind was there were 8 people in our dorm room and 6 were guys. Slightly worried but I think I’m cooler than most other men so I didn’t worry too much about it. Well, I underestimated this jabrone from Ohio. As soon as he got in, he was talking to her, teasing her and getting her Instagram. As soon as she grabber his phone, I knew it was over. She was into him and started to ignore me. Now, she didn’t do anything egregiously offensive. I’m not her boyfriend and she’s free to do whatever she likes. I think it’s the fact that I had to witness all of this unfolding in front of my eyes was the worst part. We go back on the hill at 7; she told me she would meet up with me at 8; let’s just say she didn’t show up. And from there, it was clear that I was out and he was in. I spend the rest of that night and the following day trying to avoid seeing them snowboarding and hanging out together. I’m not sure if this is the worst part but on the bus ride back, the guy sat beside me for the 3-hour journey back to Seoul. This was not a small bus; he must have been trolling me.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened. I should have messaged her once I got to the metro stop using the metro’s WIFI; I think that not drinking also pushed her into his arms; finally, she just might have thought I was lame and thought that this short, homely, unfunny American was a better fit. Now, what can you learn from this?

 

- Lesson 1: Always have data. You’re not cool buy sticking it to the man and not having a phone number.

-Lesson 2: If you think you recognize the person you are meeting, be aggressive and just introduce yourself. It’s probably the person you think it is.

-Lesson 3: Don’t go on trips with strangers.

-Lesson 4: If you don’t follow lesson 3, at least make sure that the person likes you before making this mistake.

-Lesson 5: If you want to make people feel relaxed and trust you, drinking will make that happen.

-Lesson 6: If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t try.

If you don’t try, you won’t get rejected. This is a fact. If you don’t talk to anyone or meet up with anyone, it’s essentially impossible for them to hurt you. However, is that anyway to live? Do you want to live your life sitting on the sidelines? It’s like investing in stocks; you will lose money but you might also double or triple your investment. You can’t win if you don’t play…unlessssssss you get an arranged marriage. I need to call my mom.

 

So, what is the best way to deal with rejection? Luckily, I have tons of experience on this so let me guide you.

-Feel however you want about what happened. We can’t ignore our feelings. Be upset or sad; it’s going to be fine...eventually...probably...right?

-Don’t try to convince someone to like you; it’s a dead-end.

-I have written a little bit about his before:

 http://bertbrandon.blogspot.com/2014/08/puzzle-pieces_20.html

-Call your brother and his wife; it’s their job as members of the family to make you feel better

-Lori Gottlieb of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: “When somebody rejects us, there’s a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival.”

-J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before being published. If Harry can handle that many rejections, so can you.

-Write a blog post about your failure or just write about it in your own journal if you prefer a bit more privacy.

 

I hope you were either mildly entertained reading about my weekend or learned something about dealing with rejection. I have a few more posts coming before the end of 2020.

“It’s important to learn from your mistakes, but it is better to learn from other people’s mistakes, and it is best to learn from other people’s successes. It accelerates your own success.” Jim Rohn  

One of a Kind Interview

 Today I will be interviewing my first guest. I am delighted he could find the time with his hectic schedule. He needs no introduction. Enjoy.

What’s been the biggest surprise since moving away?

I think the biggest surprise is that other people and places are much more similar than they are different. The weather, food, religion and customs vary from region to region, but deep down, we are all just trying to get by.

What’s been the biggest disappointment?

Great question Bert. I like your questioning style and eyelashes. Keep up the great work. To answer your question, the biggest disappointment might be the totality of time I have spent alone. I think starting over in so many different cities has made it hard to settle into a community and really dig in. Meeting good friends or girlfriends involves time and a bit of luck. Sometimes I got lucky (Thailand, Poland, Shanghai) and sometimes I didn’t (see current life).

What day or moment would you like to relive?

Am I allowed to change what happens during that day or does it have to happen the exact same way?

Just answer the question.

I would like to relive my first trip to Haad Yuan after first moving to Nakhon Si Thammarat. Going back and not necessarily changing anything but looking at those friends from my current lens of some of my favourite people in the world would bring joy to my heart. Staying up all night in the jungle, watching the sunrise, listening to dubstep knowing deep down that it’s all going to be just fine would be an excellent night to relive. 

Do you recommend people teach abroad?

Leaving Covid out of this, I think as long as you don’t hate kids and don’t get a job where you teach too much, then yeah people should try it out. It’s still a job and you might not like the city or country but time moves quickly and even if you don’t like it, as long as you have your passport, you can always just bounce if you feel like things aren’t safe. Important to always keep realistic/low expectations.

What are you most proud of?

I think 10 years is a long time. I moved away in 2011 with a plan to be away for a month and see what happens. Well, some have you had read what has happened. Ups and downs but I’m proud that I stuck with it and accomplished my goal of “seeing what’s out there.”

 

Any travel hacks for my readers?

Can I give advice I don’t follow? Buy one of these.

Also buy these:

Bring pens so that you can fill out your arrival card on the flight and give an extra pen to the poorly organized person sitting beside you. After so many trips, you might assume that I am good at travelling; untrue. 

Any funny anecdotes you’d like to share?
I’ve learned that most travel stories are sort of ‘you had to be there’ type of things. I will say that some of the funniest moments have just been being around kids who say hilarious things. If you have kids, you can skip the whole travel thing and just talk to your children. I bet they are just an absolute riot.

Are there people from a certain country than intrigue you?

People from Iran. If you have anyone in your life who is from Iran, they are probably super friendly and attractive. Be friends with an Iranian. Hence the display picture.

What do you wish you knew then that you know now?

Buy Tesla stock.

What is with your obsession of older Asian gentleman shaving you?

I think it’s because I’m lazy, it’s cheap, supports small businesses and it is taking part of their culture. For example, this morning while waiting for my monthly shave to begin, (where I had this brilliant blog post idea) the older Korean man was yelling at his wife to come help him. She did not come out so he yelled again. Then she yelled. Then one of the customers started laughing. I loved it. For good reason, men aren’t really yelling at their wives in barbershops in Canada. It’s moments like that that I am going to miss. Also, my first Thai barber is how I ended up dating my laundry lady so things got off to a great start so it’s a tradition I’ve tried to follow when either moving or travelling to somewhere new.

Is travelling overrated?

Pfffffffff I don’t know Bert. I think things are going to be very different now with Covid being with us for the foreseeable future. I’m glad I went as hard as I did the past 9 years because I will not be messing around with quarantines and mask wearing while exploring new countries. I’m less optimistic than most about when we will return to ‘normal’ but it seems like my travelling abroad days are essentially over. Time to start exploring Canada by rail and by Jeep!

Why is it that the majority of your friends at home and abroad have wives/husbands and children and all you have is a bicycle with a flat front tire?

Anything else you would like to share with everyone?

I’m thankful to anyone who has read this post or the 208ish others we have posted here since May 2011. I don’t follow any blogs consistently so I appreciate you taking time out of your life to check in on me. I know my storytelling is poor, my spelling and grammar can be questionable especially since I’m an English teacher but I am sincerely grateful for the 4-6 people who read most of my posts. Much love.

 

This was the first picture I took with other people when I first flew to Thailand. This was the bus trip from Bangkok to Koh Tao. The good definitely outweighed the bad but that guy was certainly about to start a new chapter. 

“A ship in harbour is safe but that’s not what ships were built for.” John Shedd

The Upside of Not Travelling

 

There is certainly an upside to not being able to jump on a flight and go explore the countries left on my list in Asia. My plan was to visit the Philippines for Christmas, go to Taiwan on a long weekend, a quick visit to Shanghai then a stop in Japan before heading home next summer. Will any of these trips happen? Unlikely but I feel there are positives to not exploring. Let’s find out what they are.

 

Not travelling the last 6 and half months has really helped me save more money. As focused as I am on saving money, when it comes to travel vs saving, saving doesn’t stand a chance. Being an adult means I can essentially do whatever I want. This pandemic is basically a strict parent telling me to stay in my room. Even if we were allowed to travel, not having a passport would hurt my dreams of leaving the country.

Going on a trip is a lot of planning. What flight will you take? What time do you have to leave your house? How will you get there? What will you bring with you? What have you forgotten? What’s the currency exchange? Where will you stay? What language do they speak? What’s the food situation? What will you do once you get there? Who are you going to talk to? How much money will you need to bring? Will your flight get cancelled? How tired will you be if you arrive late on Sunday night and need to work on Monday morning? What if you lose something on your trip? What if you get framed for murder? What if someone planted drugs in your luggage and you spend the next 20 years in a Cambodian prison? The only thing I worry about now is if my Xbox controller has charged batteries or not. 

Going to new places can be wonderful and filled with pleasant surprises. It can also be a disappointment and expectations not met.

Oh, I thought the water wouldn’t be this polluted.

Man, it’s hard to get around this city.

I think that lady just stole my wallet.

It’s been raining since I landed here.

It’s too hot!

I don’t think I should have eaten the chicken from that taxi driver.

I’m lost; again!

That roof wasn't very solid. I think my wrist is broken.

Someone stole my hiking shoes.

I’m far too hungover to go to that museum.

I’m not sure that was a girl….

It takes so much time to get to the airport. Need to wait to check in. Wait to get your bags scanned. Wait at immigration. Find your gate. Wait for your section to be called. Wait to get on the airplane. Wait for take-off. Wait to get off the aircraft. Wait for your luggage. Wait for whatever form of transportation to get to your hotel. Then do all that again on the way back. No thank you.

 

Doesn’t travelling sound awful? Yeah let’s not go anywhere until 2022. Are you with me? Even if you aren’t, you might not really have the option so let’s all stay home but let’s try and get fit, read, save and rest. Goodbye and good luck.

“Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can.” Nicholas Sparks

Bert October 2020 Update

 

 

You’ve missed me, haven’t you? We’ve been through a lot together since 2011. One of us has fallen through a roof while many of you have fallen in love and had kids. One of us has lost their passport during a pandemic while many of you are surrounded by people you know and love. I think I know who has won the last 9 years…

Do I have friends in Seoul? Not really unless you count the people at my school that feel sorry for me and ask to do things with me occasionally out of pity.  

Have I picked up a new sport or have I been playing basketball alone? No, I have not.

Do I have a fun girlfriend to spend my time with and explore Korea with? You obviously know the answer to that question.

Do I pay someone to clean my tiny apartment because I’m too lazy to? Absolutely.

Have I spent more than 216 hours playing Halo since March? Unfortunately the answer to that question is yes.

Do I go on lots of bike rides, read tons of books and gets lots of rest? Yes, yes and yes.

Is my first bamboo plant still alive? Surprisingly, yes!

Have I lost 15 pounds essentially by accident? Certainly.

Do I feel frustrated about the state of the world, the lies, misinformation, ignorance and general disregard for facts and the truth? Indeed.

Do I have anything interesting to pass on to you that would make reading this worthwhile? Of course not.

 

I have nothing exciting to write about. It’s been more than 2 months since I’ve written anything and usually as time passes, I try and come up with something worth writing about. Unfortunately, if I waited for something unique and exciting to happen, you might not hear from me until later in 2021. I am grateful that I am in a safe country where Covid has not affected my job or makes me worry about my safety. I am grateful to be alive, saving money and trying to help kids learn new things. I will leave you with this final question.

Do I want to move home? Yes.

 

Jeju Island + Random Thoughts

The last 6 summers I have gone back to Canada to do Canadian things. For certain obvious reasons, that streak has ended. However, things are never all good or all bad. There are positives to almost everything. I won’t be spending as much money, I am getting paid for the summer (need to do 2 weeks of summer school though), I have ample amount of time for gaming, and I have some time to explore Korea.

People say that Jeju is like America’s Hawaii. People go there for honeymoons, there is surfing, seafood, famous Korean dramas are shot there, and basically anything you see or eat is famous. See that beach? Famous Jeju beach! Delicious prawns? Famous Jeju prawns! (Hey! Hey! I love prawns!) See all that grass? Famous Jeju grass! Perfect sand beaches? Famous Jeju sand!

Everyone says you have to go to Jeju. Fine. I’ll go. I need to go somewhere and it seems unlikely I will be able to leave Korea until next summer (What happens next summer Bert? Oh, just wait). I somehow made a friend who wanted to go to Jeju after work on Friday and come back late Sunday night. Do you want to know the best way to travel in Korea? Travel with a Korean person. It’s like having a cheat code. I went to restaurants and had food I would have never ordered or even knew existed because I’m a big, English speaking dope of a man. Another pro tip is renting a car. I’ve never driven a car outside of North America which is kinda wild if you think about it. I didn’t have an international driver’s license until last August and it expires soon so I needed to make it count. Since the summer is a high tourist season and getting around the island is a bit tough without a car, the island is filled with rental cars. At the hotel we stayed at, it was like looking at an Enterprise car lot. (Big shout out to Enterprise. It was 11 years ago that I woke up each day to work from 7:30-6, wash cars in a suit, forced to talk to strangers as I drove them around Ottawa and really made me seriously consider leaving Canada if this is what being an adult entailed) 

I don’t want to tell you each thing I did because I don’t want to be some big show off but here are some pictures of Jeju that I have stolen from the internet for your viewing pleasure.

Overall, Jeju is a great stop. Outstanding food, solid hiking, waterfalls, surfing, the best mandarins you will ever have in your life, plenty of horses for your riding pleasure, lots of Korean people, somewhat affordable, lots of dragonflies, and general laid-back vibe. The negatives would be far too many speed bumps (traffic accidents must be almost zero on Jeju), a lot of traffic camera enforcement zones which really made other drivers want to speed when the speeding zone ended, far too many white rental cars, and a general lack of good breakfast but breakfast is lacking in Korea in general. Should you go to Jeju? I’m not the boss of you so you should do whatever you want. Do I regret going? No. Will I go again? No because I won’t get to be a Spartan ranking 100 in Halo if I’m exploring Korea all the time.

Random Thoughts

It’s been raining like the Great Galveston Storm lately in Korea.

I’ve been gaming super hard. If you have an Xbox, add me johnlanger

I’m not going to brag about how many books I’ve read so far this year because nobody cares. (33)

I don’t partake in many experiments about food or my general health. That has changed. I am currently on month 3 of a very ambitious experiment. Will write about it in 9 months (that’s how long it takes to create a baby!)

Pogos are big in Korea. In America they are called corn dogs. Non stop learning going on over here.

You can’t just buy a baguette or garlic bread in Korea. Everything is filled with something else. Buy a pastry? Filled with olives. Buy a pretzel? Filled with cream. 

Everything is filled with some random food that makes it taste way worse. I would like to formally state my displeasure about this particular culinary Korean experience.

Everyone thinks they are better looking, smarter, and benevolent than they actually are.

I only have three weeks off this summer and while I realize most people don’t get 3 weeks, I’m unsatisfied.

Netflix is overrated.

I’ve been drinking a lot of water and lemon recently.

Movie theaters in Korea are releasing old movies so I went to see the first John Wick on Saturday. Great flick. Also, you can bring in your own food to cinemas here but you can’t bring in soup. Not even famous Jeju soup.

You know what’s boring? Baseball.

I went to Changdeokgung Palace in Seoul last week. Because of what’s happening and because it was raining, I went on a tour with just me, my friend from work and the guide. The guide said that normally there are about 100 people taking the tour. I can only imagine my way was more enjoyable.

The guide noted that a famous king had eradicated corruption. The next sentence she mentioned that the king later died from someone poisoning his food. So I asked, “So he didn’t really get rid of corruption did he?” She stopped enjoying the small group size at that point.

I’m not sure if I will write a post about this because it’s a huge downer but suicide is a big part of the culture here. It’s in their shows, movies and politics. I’m not sure what the solution is but I certainly need to sit my students down and tell them not to kill themselves. What a strange topic to have to cover. Oh, just so you know kids, don’t kill yourself. Not good.

On a lighter note, baby goats are the goat. 

Thanks for checking in on your favourite Bert. Try and enjoy your summer and will write again soon.

If you are looking for some banger songs, check these out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CdcqGjQvb4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2bCryLl4pA

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”    John Steinbeck 

The Future of Partying

People love getting wild. Young and old, humans like to let loose, have a few drinks and get after it. This whole virus/lockdown has essentially stopped the good times. This cannot last. Unless a nuclear war happens, I don’t think anything can stop people from partying. So, what’s the future of partying?

My guess is that house parties will be making a comeback. House parties are legit. The pregame can certainly be the high point of a night. Additionally, houses are where the after party usually takes place. All that is happening is we are cutting out the middle man; always cut out the middle man.

Some of my fondest high school memories come from having people over while my mom was gone for the weekend. Staying up late, being in charge of the playlist, random people showing up, the unknow of what will happen next all within the safety of your own home. Especially if you live with some privacy or out in the country so people can’t shame you for having people over, the future is house parties with lots of hand sanitizer, temperature checks and no sharing of the house funnel. 

My second guess is the future of partying might be another high school staple: bush parties. Being outside seems to limit the risk so why not build a fire, set up a tent and start raging. This takes a bit more planning but the payoff is greater. A return to bush parties and camping would be welcomed on my end. There are many positives in not going to a traditional bar. If you stopped to think about it, there are many downsides:

Standing in line

Inadequate DJ

Terrible drinks

Expensive cover
Bouncers

Too many dudes

Too loud

Too crowed

Negative bathroom scent

Random flights

Disco balls

Unfortunately, no longer true Leo.

Also, we are interacting with humans who you probably don’t have that much in common with. However, if you have yourself a small group of friends and they tell their small group of friends, everyone at this party will be loosely connected which gives you a strong starting off point. Also, the drinking games would be in full force which are mostly frowned upon in regular bar settings.

The more I think about this, clubs and bars being temporarily closed might not be a terrible thing. Yes, it’s bad for people who work in that industry. However, there are just too many clubs and bars that are not exceptional; this should narrow the field to the establishments worth saving.

I’m not saying that you should throw your own underground rave tonight but the future of partying is something worse considering. My personal opinion is that this virus is staying in our lives for the foreseeable future. I think in 10 years people will still be dying from this virus but we will learn to live with it and some type of social distancing and mask wearing will become more prevalent in cultures all over the world.

A quick internet search shows that a lot of DJ’s are having online concerts or performances. I haven’t taken part in that mostly because it sounds pretty tame but it’s good that people are being creative and trying to make the best of it. Zoom drinks and Houseparty app are also modern alternatives.

Another potential solution I've read about is before entering an outdoor music festival, people would have to show a negative Covid test to be allowed to enter. While this wouldn’t 100% keep infections to zero, it has potential to allow people to get back to some type of normal during the summer months.

I just read this from The Guardian: "The police also report that "corona speakeasies" have been springing up in the city, where owners of closed bars have taped up the windows and locked the doors, only allowing in guests who have registered or who deliver a specific knock on the door." I feel like the sexiness of going to a speakeasy in 2020 is eliminated with a side effect being potentially killing your stepmother who lives in the attic.

It also seems like many places in Europe are having secret raves or beach parties. When researching parting during quarantine, almost all of the articles were from Europe. Partying is more engrained into their cultures I suppose and a virus that could kill their grandparents sure won’t stop them from posting up and sending out the vibe. Places in England are focusing on areas with patios to have disposable menus, hand sanitizer, different entrance and exits as well as all orders going through an app which might be the future of going out in North America in 2021 and beyond.

I was just speaking to a friend in Shanghai and he said that it is back to partying like it was 2019. Bars and clubs are open; bartenders pouring shots into customers’ mouths; dancing and overall tomfoolery. The only new wrinkle is everyone is wearing a mask when you line up, having your temperature taken before you enter and leaving your phone number when you enter. Proceed to get wild. Sign me up.

I feel bad for people who have just turned 19 or are in their prime partying years. Memories are being stolen from them and while there are more serious concerns about what is happening, it’s still an experience that they are currently being robbed of. Luckily for me, my going out days are on the decline and I haven’t had anything to drink in a month and barely noticed. I hope that we can all find a way to be together and enjoy ourselves soon in whatever context is safest for everyone.

”We’re going streaking!”