I can already feel it. It seems like I am constantly looking at my calendar in disbelief that I will be in Europe in 14 days. I can remember feeling somewhat indifferent about taking off for the first time four years ago with little expectation and the possibility of returning home in a month if things went south quickly. I now have a better grasp of what moving an ocean away entails and is making me more nervous and melancholy. I’ve loved these last 15 months and there is a part of me that feels like I might be making a mistake. Not a mistake of the country (who doesn’t love Poland??!!) or my school but there is something to be said about staying in one place, planting roots and keeping current friendships alive and strong. It’s normal to question yourself, your choices and your path right? I’m not the only one? I understand that in the grand scheme of things I’m still fairly young but 29 turns into 30 then that becomes 35 then I’m 40. Then what? I’ve also possibly made the mistake of not having a family sooner because the earlier you start, the more time you how with those monsters you have created. But I can’t just marry anyone and have a baby with them right? I feel confused and uncertain that I’m maximizing my life. It’s clear that I’m not a financial success at this point; I’m not divorced so I have that going for me. I also believe that once I’m roaming the streets of Prague on the 19th, I will think that I made the right life choice or once I stop working at my current job that isn’t exactly A1, I will feel better about my direction in life.
Moving away isn’t a minor life choice and thinking it through and wondering about different paths has to be a normal train of thought. The worst case scenario is that I don’t love my job or Poland and it is over in 10 months. The best case scenario is that Poland and my school is amazing, I see most of the things I have on my list and I find an amazing two year contract that pays me well and gives me great teaching experience. My reality will probably fall somewhere in the middle of those two options. I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m mad, sad or ungrateful, I know big changes are ahead and I’m just slightly anxious about going at it alone again.
In other events, I got a text a 2am Friday asking if I wanted a free weekend wristband to Veld. Veld is a massive electronic dance music festival with 30 thousand people, dancing and DJ’s. Here is what last year looked like:
A wristband for the weekend is around $300 plus drinks, food and people getting after it once it shuts down around 11pm. I’ve been to festivals and concerts before but this was my first EDM festival and even though it isn’t my go-to genre of music, it sounds incredible with their sound systems and it’s in an open field essentially so there is some room for a bit of personal space. Unless you are right up in the thick of it, then there’s no room. My big takeaways from Veld were:
-It got cancelled Sunday night because of thunderstorms in the area which ended up passing through but they do take safety seriously which I suppose is a good thing but people weren’t happy. I wasn’t happy and didn’t pay 300. I can imagine how people who actually looked forward to this all year felt. They also delayed it for two hours on the Saturday because of some mild clouds. Kinda lame.
-People love partying and just going for it. People, especially girls, treat these festivals like Halloween so there were some provocatively dressed women at this event. People love dressing up and escaping reality.
-Waster was $5-10. Food and other drinks not cheap either. I’m not sure how teenagers can afford it. I can’t.
-EDM is synonymous with drugs because a good percentage of people at these events are high on drugs. It can’t be safe or healthy. They do have security that does a decent job but what they aren’t showing you on the after party video is people tripping out in a field, people in an ambulance or being arrested for selling drugs to kids. Funny how that didn’t make the final cut.
-Two people died last year. Zero this year as far as I know. People shouldn't die at festivals.
-While yes, some people indulge a bit too much, there isn’t much or any violence and there is generally a great vibe of people dancing and having a great time being outside and enjoying life. Not every day is a music video but might as well make it count when given the opportunity.
If you just had a long weekend, I hope it was a fun and safe one. Let’s stay in touch and maximize the rest of our summertime.
“In these times I don't, in a manner of speaking, know what
I want; perhaps I don't want what I know and want what I